Perhaps you hear your child say things like, “But everyone else gets to do it!” or “It won’t get me in trouble.” 

While those words are convincing yet comforting, it is hard to recognize if your child is ready to take on the world. Of course, you don’t want to give them more than they can handle. However, it is also essential to allow them to be as independent as possible. 

As parents, your goal is to raise responsible members of society. It is your guidance that navigates how their world would turn out someday. When you discipline them wisely, your children can thrive. 

To discipline, however, doesn’t mean to control. When you discipline, you guide your children to develop the motivation to do the right thing. Commanding them to act a certain way and punishing them for not doing so may result in them rebelling against you when you are not looking. 

Whatever they want, may it be a later curfew or a new gadget, it is best to have a contract so you could feel more at ease. 

Why should you start drafting a contract with your child?

An effective contract should outline what your child needs to do to earn or retain her benefits. It should detail what they need to do to prove themselves responsible and accountable. 

A contract can be an effective tool for many reasons. Here are some:

improve communication

Drafting a contract with your child can help you elaborate on your expectations, consequences, and rewards. It can be used for general behavior issues on curfews, gadget use, chores, and more.  

Having a contract should keep you and your child on the same page. Partnered with daily or weekly progress reports, having an arrangement allows consistent communication between you and your child. 

clear out your expectations

While you specify the areas your child needs to work or focus on, it also allows them to see the rewards and consequences that come along with it. 

motivates your child to be in control

Your ultimate goal is to encourage them to act in their best behavior out of their own will and thinking. With them aware of the consequences of their actions, they learn how to evaluate their behavior. It can also motivate them to achieve their goals. 

allows your child to be more accountable for their action

It is a great way to reinforce their life skills. It allows them to take on the responsibility and prove themselves worthy of being entrusted with it. It also teaches that privileges are earned and not just handed to them. 

You and your child both signed the contract. It means that both of you understand and agree to the enumerated terms—no ifs, ands, or buts. 

Where do you begin?

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to write an effective contract:

1. Have a contract template you can use. You can check printable contract drafts above. 
2. Plan with your child. 
3. Agree on the rules (what you want or expect your child to do). 
4. Agree on the reward (what your child will get for following the rules) and when they could get the prize. 
5. Evaluate the support your child needs with their input and how you could help.
6. Agree on the consequences (what they should do or can’t do if they do not follow the rules). It should include not getting the reward. 
7. Let your child write the terms and allow them to frame them in a positive language. For example, “I will do my homework before I watch tv shows” rather than “I will stop watching tv shows before I do my homework.”
8. You and your child must sign the contract. Signing it emphasizes that you both understand and agree to the terms. 

The point of drafting a contract with your child is to motivate them to engage in behavior independently. Allowing them to voice their thoughts while creating the contract grants them the negotiation skills they need to develop.

Here are some tips that could help:

Make it a team effort

It allows both you and your child to give input and have an active role in the outcome. 

Be clear about the information your child needs to perform the terms

Let them know the negative behavior, what they could do, what would happen if they chose to do the negative behavior, and the things involved in doing the right and wrong. It should help them understand why they should do the right and not the wrong. 

Draft it in a way that is easy to understand

The terms should be within the ability of your child. It is essential to let them visualize the system and the rules. 

Use logical consequences 

Instead of motivating them by punishment, frame it in terms of not achieving their target rewards.

Hold them in terms of the contract. If they fail to meet the terms, don’t give them the extra privilege. Don’t bend the rules for them. 

Modify the contract

A contract can’t be changed anytime. However, the terms in the agreement can be modified as long as you and your child agree. It also allows both of you to decide while still accounting for individual preferences. 

If it is working well, add new rules and rewards that could motivate them. However, if not working, revise the reward system by identifying what can encourage them.  

Be patient

Your kid needs time to adjust to the rules. Avoid nagging your child to meet their end of the deal. It may not succeed in the first attempts, but patience and understanding shall work with time. 

Remember that the driving force behind a contract is to provide your child with the tools they would need to manage their own. It may be hard to be on the same page on house chores, curfews, and gadget use. Drafting a contract with your kids can help discipline them while still allowing them to be in control. 

How can this help your kids?

In the real world, not all contracts are created equal. There are contracts for services, leases, rentals, confidentiality, employment, etc. 

Drafting a contract is almost like settling for rules and rights that apply to the parties signing it. When poorly drafted, a contract may result in unfair claims and disputes. 

As early as now, engaging with your kids through a written contract can prepare them when they get involved in legally enforceable ones. 

The components of a legally enforceable contract are pretty similar to the ones you can use with your kids. Contracts, to be lawfully enforceable, should include the following information:

• The time validity of the agreement (the time frame by which the contract should run) and schedule
• The names of the parties involved 
• Key terms and definitions (The rules and support that both parties promise to each other)
• Products, services, and payment amounts included (the rewards/obligations of both parties when they performed their end of the deal) and billing dates
• How to handle in case of breach of contract and damages (the consequences)
• Signature of both parties

While this might seem simple, the law is complicated in itself. When in doubt, ask the guidance of a lawyer. It is best to come to a person who’s more knowledgeable about it. 

What are you waiting for? Start now and future-proof your kids!