Do you ever feel like you’re falling behind your peers? or do you feel like they are all becoming cooler than you?

It is difficult not to compare. It’s never pleasant to feel that you are behind people who we consider similar. It is easy to question why they get to enjoy the things you like while you can’t.

While you believe it is just right to experience what everybody else has been enjoying, your parents might say otherwise. Most of the time, you may find them disagreeing with what you want.

Before, you didn’t have a say in anything that went on. Your parents decide on almost everything—your food, your clothes, your toys. However, as you are growing up, you develop this sense of building your own identity.

The feeling might be suffocating when they start imposing the things they want you to do. In most families, arguments are part of the adjustment process. However, with this, feelings get hurt, and arguments worsen.

To help yourself and your parents adjust to your roles, you should consider communicating with your parents as best as you can. One way to do that is to start drafting a contract that should encompass the things you are expected to do and not to do, the privileges you can get when you comply, and the consequences when you fail to do so.

Why should you start drafting a contract with your parents?

An effective contract should outline what you need to do to earn or retain your benefits. It should detail what you need to do to prove yourself responsible and accountable.

A contract can be an effective tool for many reasons. Here are some:

It can improve communication

Drafting a contract with your parents can help them elaborate on their expectations and what you could get as consequences and rewards. It can be used for general behavior issues on curfews, gadget use, chores, and more.

Having a contract should keep you and your parents on the same page. Daily or weekly progress reports should keep you in check with your parents.

It can clear out their expectations

The contract allows you to visualize the rules you need to comply with and see the rewards and consequences that come along with it.

It gives you a sense of self-control

While there are rewards and consequences, your action is entirely dependent on your evaluation of the situation. After all, the goal of the contract is to encourage you and not to dictate what you should do.

It allows you to be more accountable

It is a great way to reinforce your life skills. It allows you to take on responsibilities and prove yourself worthy of being entrusted with them. Through this, you can also learn that privileges should be hard-earned.

You and your parents should sign the contract. This should mean that both of you understand and agree to the enumerated terms—no ifs, ands, or buts.

Where do you begin?

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to write an effective contract:

Contract-Template Download

Have a contract template you can use. You can check printable contract draft above.
Plan with your parent/s.
Agree on the rules (what they want or expect you to do).
Agree on the reward (what you will get for following the rules) and when you could get the prize.
Agree on the consequences (what you should do or can’t do if you could not follow the rules). It should include not getting the reward.
Be the one to write the terms and frame them in a positive language. For example, “I will do my homework before I watch tv shows” rather than “I will stop watching tv shows before I do my homework.”
You and your parent/s must sign the contract. Signing it emphasizes that you both understand and agree to the terms.

The point of engaging in a contract with your parents is to motivate yourself to engage in behavior independently without violating your parents’ rules.

Here are some tips that could help:

Make it a team effort

It allows both you and your parents to give input and have an active role in the outcome.

Ask them to be clear about the information to perform the terms

Learn about the negative behavior, what you could do, what would happen if you chose to do the negative behavior, and the things involved in doing the right and wrong. It should help you understand why you should do the right and not the wrong.

Write it clearly, in a way that is easy to understand for you and your parents.

You and your parents must arrive and understand the terms in the same way.

The rewards and consequences should be logical

If you kept your part of the deal, it’s okay to ask them to demand them to do the same. Don’t ask for the extra privilege if you fail to meet the terms. Don’t bend the rules.

Modify the contract

A contract can’t be changed anytime. However, the terms in the agreement can be modified as long as you and your parents agree. It also allows both of you to decide while still accounting for individual preferences.

If it is working well, you can negotiate with new rules and rewards. However, if not working, think of a reward system by identifying what best encourages you.

Be patient

You would need time to adjust to the rules. It may not succeed in the first attempts, but patience and understanding shall work with time.

Be patient with yourself and with your parents. Remember, it is not only you who’s undergoing this process but also them.

Remember that the driving force behind a contract is to provide you with the tools you would need to manage your own. It may be hard to be on the same page on a lot of things in this phase. Drafting a contract with your parents can help in effectively communicating your demands and their rules.

How can this help you in the real world?

Not all contracts are created equal. There are contracts for services, leases, rentals, confidentiality, employment, etc. Whether a simple or complex agreement, it is best to create a written contract since it could detail the parties’ obligations and rights when a disagreement arises.

Drafting a contract is almost like settling for rules and rights that apply to the parties signing it. When poorly drafted, a contract may result in unfair claims and disputes.

As early as now, engaging with your parents through a written contract can prepare you when you get involved in legally enforceable ones in the future.

The components of a legally enforceable contract are pretty similar to the ones you can use with your parents. Contracts, to be lawfully enforceable, should include the following information:

The time validity of the agreement (the time frame by which the contract should run) and schedule
The names of the parties involved
Key terms and definitions (The rules and support that both parties promise to each other)
Products, services, and payment amounts included (the rewards/obligations of both parties when they performed their end of the deal) and billing dates
How to handle in case of breach of contract and damages (the consequences)
Signature of both parties

While this might seem simple, the law is complicated in itself. When in doubt, ask the guidance of a lawyer. It is best to come to a person who’s more knowledgeable about it.

What are you waiting for? Convince your parents to draft a contract with you today and get started!